Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Lists! Lists! Lists!

Does anyone else love to make lists? I love lists and make multiple. For example, I make a Goal List ever year, project lists, home to do lists (daily & weekly, work to do lists (weekly & daily), different weight loss lists, grocery lists, etcetera. These can usually be found in my favorite spiral bound tablets that are all over my house.

In the past couple weeks I have re-wrote two lists pertaining to my weight loss. One list is my reward list for loosing 5 pounds and the second list is my why list. I wrote these lists a couple years ago when I started to get serious about weight loss the first time. However, with everything that has happened in the past year and a half, my trainer has been prodding me to re-write these lists.

The reward list is just that... rewards for loosing 5 pounds. The rewards are broken out in 5 pound increments with smaller items for five pounds and a little larger for ten pounds. For example, my first five pound loss reward is the book Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander #2). My first 10 pound loss reward is a pedicure by my favorite nail technician.

I didn't complete the goal list, but I wrote it out to see how long it would take me to reach my goal weight if I lost five pounds every month. It would take me approximately a year. What I want now though and what I want in six months will be different so I left some things blank.

The other list is a why list about why I want to loose the weight. I am not showing or writing out my entire list because some are a little personal. So here are a few of my reasons why I want to loose weight:

  1. to enjoy shopping again
  2. more energy
  3. to feel and be confident (again)
  4. to live a healthy lifestyle
  5. sleep better
  6. smaller size
  7. not hate my picture taken
  8. less food cravings/more self control
Part of me feels like I still need to sit down and put my heart into a why list, but at least this has got me thinking about it again. 

Question: Do you like lists? What kind of lists do you make?

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Hello? Is Anyone There?

Wow! It is hard to believe I have not been on to write a post in months. There are a few different reasons as to why I have not been posting though.

The first reason is that my personal life has been super busy these past few months. I have been traveling almost every weekend or if I am home I have been out with friends & family. More on that later.

The second reason is that blogging involves sharing personal information. When I started the blog, I knew what I would be blogging about and who that would most likely entail. My weight loss journey was half over and I knew the key people in my life. Getting a divorce complicated things. My ex and some of his family knew about the blog. Plus we have mutual friends and I wasn't ready to share.

I am now ready to share my thoughts and experiences. However, this is your warning... if you do not want to know about certain details you should stop reading/following this blog. There are some specifics I will not share; however, I will my thoughts and how my life has been impacted. 

I look forward to sharing my successes and failures with you in the near future. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Check-In: 2016 Goals

To be honest I have NOT done well with my goals so far this year, but I figured it would probably do me some good to look back over them. While I am a bit disappointed in not being where I would like to be with these goals right now; I am not going to beat myself up. 

The beginning of the year was very difficult for me, which can be seen in a previous post. I was depressed and angry. I was not living. I was coloring, watching lots of TV, and binge eating. So while I am not where I want to be with the goals I made at the beginning of the year... I am living again. I am cooking, working out, reading, cleaning my house, and so much more. 

So with that said... here are the goals I made at the beginning of 2016. Let's take a look... 

2016 Goals
    • I have currently read 18 books and I am 8 books behind schedule.  
  • RUN 5K (run the whole thing)
    • I walked a 5k this weekend with my family (Mom, brother, & SIL). To be honest I have not felt like running... so I haven't made it a priority. There are different reasons for that feeling, but after not working out and finally getting back in the swing of things I am just happy I am moving again. 
  • READ & PRAY 10 MINUTES/DAY FOR 4 DAYS/WEEK (at least 4 days/week)
    • This seems to come & go... I do well and then I don't do well. Part of it was that I wasn't feeling the Psalms so I am currently reading Matthew. I am not doing well with this yet again. :( 
    • Again... Not as well as I want! I haven't been using YNAB or budgeting like I am supposed to and should be doing. SHAME! :( However, it is something I am thinking about. I did take FPU (Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey) at my church this spring. It was a great class and I highly recommend it. 
  • REACH GOAL WEIGHT (135 lbs)
    • Alright ya'll... this is something I am currently getting back into the swing of things. I have gained a lot of the weight I had originally lost back over this past year. I have been angry and depressed over this... However, after seeing a picture of myself about month ago I have gotten back on track. I will do an updated post on this if you want to stay tuned. :)
  • 75+ BLOG POSTS
    • Well if you keep up on the blog you know this hasn't happened. This is actually my 11th post of the year so I am only 25-ish posts behind. Gulp! 


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Mackinaw City Vacation

One of the first things my counselor had me do after I started to see him was to make a list of things I wanted to do in my future as a newly single woman.  When you are married all of your future plans include your spouse in some way. So to make plans future plans without including someone else was... different.

I don’t remember everything I had planned originally. It would be interesting to see if I could find the list I had made. The big one for me was to plan a vacation alone. I love traveling, but to travel alone made me a little anxious. My ex-husband planned all of our vacations. He traveled frequently so booking the accommodations and whatever mode of transportation we needed was something he always did.
My cabin with a view! 

When I originally decided to go on vacation my thought was to go somewhere I could possibly drive and be a tourist for a week. My thought was Kentucky, Tennessee, or somewhere where there was a
lot for me to do and see. However, as time passed I kept envisioning a long weekend in a cabin near a lake. When I remember pictures my friend had shared on Facebook of a vacation she took with her family to Mackinaw City. After talking with her about the campground where they rented cabin with a view, I decided this would be my first vacation. Especially after talking with others who all loved the same campground!

The view! 

So I rented a cabin for the weekend with a view of Mackinaw Bridge. It was marvelous! There was a ton of reading, some journaling, picture taking, wine, and a lot of relaxation. I watched the sun set on Friday night and I had a great workout with a view on Saturday morning. After my workout I spent some time in the book of Matthew. I did go into Mackinaw City and do some shopping. I couldn’t leave without some fudge!

Tasting my wine while doing a wine tasting word search! 

The whole trip was marvelous! There was time for reflection on the past year and even more time dreaming of what lies ahead. My only complaint would be that it was not long enough! J At the same time for my first trip alone it was the perfect length of time. I look forward to planning my next vacation!

Where are/have you gone on vacation recently?

Wednesday, June 8, 2016


I apologize that I have been Missing In Action (MIA) for the past couple months. As much as I do enjoy the "Favorites" posts, I couldn't think of any for April and May got away from me. To be honest, May was busy and a bit emotional for me. The beginning of May was the one year mark of when my ex walked out on me and decided to end our marriage. My Mom, oldest brother & sister-in-law, and youngest brother all moved. I had two graduations this month both a bit emotional for me in different ways. And on top of all of that, I decided to do a detox for 4 days. What was I thinking?!?!

The one year mark was... well, weird. I don't know... It was a whole lot of emotions rolled into a day. I thought I would be healed and moving on by this point. I believe for the most part I have healed. However, I still have some things to get over. Unfortunately with divorce there is a lot of loss. You have not only lost your spouse (and that title carries multiple titles within it), but you have lost family, friends, and so much more. I also think it ending the way it did has caused some hard feelings.

On the other hand... I have realized my strength, found my independence, learned the meaning of family and friendship, have God back in my life, and so much more. I am not sure what remains for 2016, but I look forward to more amazing adventures. I also hope to be better about posting and getting back on the band wagon as far as my health. More on that soon!

What have you been up to the past few months??

Sunday, April 3, 2016

March Favorites

I am not sure when March ended? I think with the snow on the ground has thrown me off. So sorry this is a little late. I am hopeful the weather is going to warm up this month. I am ready for a pedicure and some peep toes.

So without making you wait any longer here are my favorites for the month:

1. She Reads Truth App - I have been really enjoying this application. It has helped me to do daily devotions. Even though I am currently not getting into the word as much as I would like, but it helps me. I love the devotional part of it too.

2. No Longer Slaves by Jonathan & Melissa Heiser - The past month while I have been in a slump my counselor directed me to this song.

3. Soduku - Apparently this is my puzzle of choice this month. Plus per the December issue of Women's Health (page 36) can help with food cravings. I have been playing the games on my phone while watching Gilmore Girls! :)

4. One Pot Taco Rice & Chicken - I can't tell you how many times I have cooked this meal. I love that it requires only one pot! I love that it feeds me for a week! And it is delicious. I just portion them out, heat them up, and then add some cheese & tortilla strips. Yummy!

5. Scarves - I have been loving scarves lately. I don't know if there is much else to say. 

It doesn't hurt to add some big hoops! 

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Not Lucky, Blessed

I can only speak from a person going through a divorce, but I can tell you that with my divorce one thing that drives me nuts is people telling me I am "lucky." Am I? It sure does not feel like it. My world was ripped apart and you think I am lucky? It's not luck! This is a divorce and no matter what you think, it is ugly.

One day you are going to a movie thinking he has been acting weird all weekend. The next day he tells you "I'm done." Things are just over. Your best friend, your lover, your roommate, your husband are just gone along with the plans and dreams you had for your future. You struggle to just keep going. 

So no... I am not lucky; I am blessed. To be honest I have come to hate hearing the word "lucky." Nothing about divorce or any tragedy for that matter is lucky.

I consider myself blessed with the circumstances of my divorce. I am blessed to not have children, to not have to see or talk to him, to have the actual divorce proceedings go as well as they did, etcetera. These were just some of the blessings in this storm. My thanks and praise will continue for the blessings that have come and continue to come even through all the losses.

Sunday, March 6, 2016


Lately I have been going through the depression and anger phase of my grieving process. In case you're curious... it sucks! There are a lot of things that have come up for me and I just haven't wanted to deal with them. Let's be honest... I am not really good at dealing with them either. Distractions seem to be my speciality, especially this past year!

It has been hard for me to deal with memories of our past and what I want to believe were happy times together. I want to remember them as good times and recently decided I have to believe they were. When your marriage ends with lies, anger, and hurt it is hard not to question how much of the past were lies. Even the memories with those who used to be your friends hurt.

So... I have been sitting around distracting myself from these memories. Distracting myself from the past thirteen years of my life and wondering what was true and what was a lie. I have been watching too much TV. Basically I have been binging on TV on and off for the past 10 months. I have watched a ton shows.  If you need a recommendation let me know! Lately, it has been Gilmore Girls. In case you didn't catch that in my last post.

Watching TV isn't a problem, but I have stopped doing what I need to do. I am not working out like I want or should be doing. I am not keeping up on my housework, meal prep, or cooking! I am not reading like I want or accomplishing other things I want to do. When watching TV interferes with activities you know you need and want to do, it is a problem.

On top of the TV binging, I am binging on food. Let's be honest, I have always ate more than necessary or I wouldn't be over weight. However, I have never binged like I have been lately. It is embarrassing to me. I hate to even admit it. I even put MyFitness Pal on private because I wanted to log, but I did not want others to see. It is time it stops though. Food is not a source of comfort and it does not make me feel better. It makes me feel both physically and emotionally awful.

I am not going to be able to jump back to where I was a year ago when I was working out 5-6 days a week, eating healthy, loving myself, etcetera. Unfortunately, I am going to have to start over. It sucks! It pisses me off to be honest! I worked hard, both physically and mentally, to get to a place where I felt confident, strong, and happy with myself helping me to get to my 50 pound weight loss.

So I will start again... step by step. Because this life of sitting on the couch binging on TV and food is not the life I truly crave.

Monday, February 29, 2016

February Favorites

It is already the end of February 2016 and it has been a difficult month for me. I've fought with the idea of not blogging, but at the same time I am not ready to give it up. I don't feel as if I have put my best foot forward and been as open as I want to be. So... at this point I keep moving forward with life and blogging.

My February favorites are:

1. Word Search Puzzles - They make me feel a little old, but I enjoy them. A word search and favorite #2 is a good night!

2. Gilmore Girl - I am loving this show! I don't know how I never watched this show or Friends. I am only on season 2 right now, but I am so intrigued by what is going to come. Plus a revival? Amazing! :)

3. Spiral Bound Journals - These are a necessity for me. I generally have one with me at all times. If you ever find me without one of these or a book (an e-reader) I have probably been robbed.  These are some of the ones I have gotten recently. I use them for my "To Do Lists," notes, and everything in between!

My friend, Angie gave me an amazing one last week. Do you ever get one of those gifts where you love it so much you don't know if you can use it? I feel like this is one of those gifts! I mean it combines my love of coloring and spiral bound journals!!  

4. Revlon Lip Gloss - I am not the lipstick or lipgloss girl. I try, but I it just doesn't happen. However, Angie took me to Ulta and I bought this lip gloss because she is that girl. She always looks amazing and has perfectly pink lips. :) So I copied her and bought Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Snow Pink. It is a light, sparkly pink. I like sparkles!

5. "Get Back Up" by Tobymac - It's hard for me to call it a favorite. It is a song I have been repeatedly listening to since my friend Lyndsey recommended it to me. For whatever reason I am having a hard time getting out of this depression/anger stage of the grieving process. It is just the reminder that I "may be knocked down again, but not out forever." I just keep taking it one step at a time. 

What was a favorite for you this month?

Sunday, January 31, 2016

January Favorites

This has been a very drab month for me personally. Going into the New Year sick, trying to get out of my funk, and more. It just has been blah for me it feels like personally. It was really hard to pick favorites for this month I think just because I have been in a negative mood. Hopefully February will be great!

1. Leggings - I have finally jumped on the wagon with leggings. For whatever reason, I just haven't worn them out in public. I have started wearing them recently, especially on some of my long days where I know I have things to do after work. They are so comfy! I need some more tunics and dresses to wear with them. 

2. Boots - I have been loving wearing my boots with leggings, skinny jeans, and dresses. These have also become a staple with my leggings on long days. Wearing a pair of leggings and flat boots for the day and I am good on those appointments/errands after work.

It doesn't hurt that I can wear them and not bring another pair of shoes with me to work. Where with the ice and snow I wear boots and then put the heels on at work.

3. Snowmen - I love them. They are all over my house and I think I finally feel like it is time to pack them up with the rest of my Christmas decorations. 

4. Ricola Cough Drops - This is my second cold in January. Growl! I had one the very first week in January and caught another one last week. The first one I had an awful sore throat and this one I have an awful cough. So I have been loving these this month. :)

5. Elementary - I have been enjoying this TV show a lot lately. Not that I haven't in the past, but I think it has just been the mood I have been in recently. It is a good show solving crimes for the good of it. 

What was on of your January Favorites?

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Getting through a Divorce

The beginning of May 2015, Brandon left and decided he wanted a divorce. I never saw it coming and my world felt like the bottom had dropped out. I was scared and confused. One thing I was scared of was falling into a deep depression. I suffer from depression and I didn't want to get where I have been previously. So, I reached out. People want to help. Sometimes you just need to let them.

Here is who helped me:

Family & Friends - I immediately reached out to my family and friends. A few of my friends were there to text me constantly throughout the day. I had family and friends who spent the night so I wouldn't be alone, I went to their house on the weekends, they hugged me, they prayed for me, they reminded me I didn't deserve the way I was treated, and they were just there.

There was one point when I was at my Mom's house doing the ugly cry when I told her "Mom, you did a really good job. People really like me." There were some friends I hadn't talked to in months, some years that were there offering love and advice. I will never be able to express my gratitude and thanks to all of them.

So my advice to you is reach out. Let them be there for you!

Counselor - During one of the weekends when I was at my brother and sister-in-laws house, she asked if I would be willing to see a counselor. I was, but in previous years I hadn't had great luck. She asked if I would see a christian counselor and I was willing. She knew a couple and told me one of the names that popped in her head. When I looked him up I found his office was 4 miles down the road from me. I immediately scheduled an appointment.

I was blessed to immediately find someone I connected with this time around. I would encourage you to find someone who you connect with, but having someone to talk to has been HUGE for me! He has encouraged me to read the Bible, pray, journal, and so much more. He has been there to help get where I am today. It is nice to talk to someone who is removed from the situation. Who doesn't feel one way or the other against you or the people involved. It has been a huge blessing to have someone to talk to and help me grow in my faith.

God - Give it to God! I don't know where I would be without all of the answers to prayers made over the past 9 months. He was there picking me up when I couldn't stand, leading me when I couldn't go any further, helping me forgive when I didn't believe I could, and so much more.

In the first months I had nightmares. They were awful. I would wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. They were awful. I began praying after I would wake up from them and within a short period I would fall back asleep. Not long after I began praying after waking up from these nightmares, I stopped having them. I would not be as healed and happy as I am now without God.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

2015 Recap & 2016 Goals

As usual I am late with this post. December was a whirlwind for me. I didn't expect the holidays to be as difficult as they were for me. I think between being busier at work, trying to catch up after vacation, and the emotions of the holidays I didn't take the time to think about next year. However, I caught a cold and finally sat down to reflect and think about this next year. 

Let's get 2015 over with first. 

2015 Goals
    • Workout 5x week
    • 2 cheat meals per week
    • Freeze more meals
    • Win a DietBet

Short & sweet? This year didn't happen. I am not beating myself up over it. I have been through hell this year and I am still standing. 

In the end, I did read 37 books. It was more than I thought I would read after not being able to read for weeks after Brandon left. I also ran a 5k in under 40 minutes. Other than that it just didn't happen. My weight has slowly gone up, I didn't read the 50 books, and there was a goal of working on my marriage, but that goal was obviously removed. 

I am not sure what 2016 holds, but I am hoping for an amazing year. This year I have decided to do quarterly check-ins on my yearly and list ways to work on these goals. So here is what I have for 2016! 

2016 Goals
    • 12-13 books every 3 months
  • RUN 5K (run the whole thing)
    • Sign up for 2-3 5k's
    • Learn how to use my Garmin & then use it :)
  • READ & PRAY 10 MINUTES/DAY FOR 4 DAYS/WEEK (at least 4 days/week)
    • Use YNAB
    • Do 30 Day No Spending Challenge
  • REACH GOAL WEIGHT (135 lbs)
    • "Give up" certain foods
    • DietBet 
    • Biggest Looser (work challenge)
    • quarterly check-ins
    • Log daily in MyFitness Pal
    • Workout 4+days/week
    • Cook for myself
  • 75+ BLOG POSTS
    • Weight loss blogs
    • Divorce blogs
    • Positivity blogs

So there we have it... We'll see what happens! 

I don't know if I will do monthly goals and recap as I have in the past. I may just do every three months and keep you up to date on what I am doing. Stay tuned! 

What goals did you accomplish in 2015? What goals do you have in 2016?

Friday, January 1, 2016

Dear 2015

Dear 2015,

I am not sad to see you end and am hopeful for this next year. You have been a difficult, but blessed year. When the ball dropped in 2015 I truly believed you would be an amazing year. My goals included reading 50 books, reaching my goal weight, running a 5k, getting through the one difficulty in my marriage, and getting my finances in better order. However, you had other plans and there were some difficult times lying ahead for me.

  • In the end of January, I was fired from my job.
  • Then my husband decided our marriage was over the first part of May.
  • My divorce was final in October.
  • Someone I love dearly told me they were sick. It is treatable, but still scary. 

This list may seem short, but these were all very difficult things for me. A divorce is a process with all of the paperwork, the lawyers, family, friends, and the heartbreak. Eventually I will share these details, but not in this post. The heartbreak was the worst part. Unfortunately, I did not see him leaving coming even if I can look back now and see some of the signs. I never in a million years believed he would just give up and walk out. 

Even with the trials of 2015 the blessings have been amazing. In April, I found an amazing job and I love it. They treat their clients and their employees with the utmost respect. I am loving it and continue to learn everyday. 

There are not enough words for me to ever express how thankful I am for all the kindness and love I have received while going through my separation and divorce. I don't know what I have ever done to have so many people show so much love for me. Thank you to all of you who were there to let me know what I was feeling, the nightmares, the tears, and so much more were normal. Thank you!!!

I have been so blessed for all of the love from family and friends. I am blessed to have a church that has accepted me like family. I am thankful that even with all of the shame I felt that I was not treated that way. I am blessed not to have been blamed. I am blessed to have made new friends. I am blessed! I look forward to 2016. I am hopeful for what I am to learn and accomplish in 2016. 

What blessings have you had in 2015? What are you hopeful for in 2016?