March Favorites

I am not sure when March ended? I think with the snow on the ground has thrown me off. So sorry this is a little late. I am hopeful the weather is going to warm up this month. I am ready for a pedicure and some peep toes.

So without making you wait any longer here are my favorites for the month:

1. She Reads Truth App - I have been really enjoying this application. It has helped me to do daily devotions. Even though I am currently not getting into the word as much as I would like, but it helps me. I love the devotional part of it too.

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2. No Longer Slaves by Jonathan & Melissa Heiser - The past month while I have been in a slump my counselor directed me to this song.

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3. Soduku - Apparently this is my puzzle of choice this month. Plus per the December issue of Women's Health (page 36) can help with food cravings. I have been playing the games on my phone while watching Gilmore Girls! :)

4. One Pot Taco Rice & Chicken - I can't tell you how many times I have cooked this meal. I love that it requires only one pot! I love that it feeds me for a week! And it is delicious. I just portion them out, heat them up, and then add some cheese & tortilla strips. Yummy!

5. Scarves - I have been loving scarves lately. I don't know if there is much else to say. 

It doesn't hurt to add some big hoops! 

Not Lucky, Blessed

I can only speak from a person going through a divorce, but I can tell you that with my divorce one thing that drives me nuts is people telling me I am "lucky." Am I? It sure does not feel like it. My world was ripped apart and you think I am lucky? It's not luck! This is a divorce and no matter what you think, it is ugly.

One day you are going to a movie thinking he has been acting weird all weekend. The next day he tells you "I'm done." Things are just over. Your best friend, your lover, your roommate, your husband are just gone along with the plans and dreams you had for your future. You struggle to just keep going. 

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So no... I am not lucky; I am blessed. To be honest I have come to hate hearing the word "lucky." Nothing about divorce or any tragedy for that matter is lucky.

I consider myself blessed with the circumstances of my divorce. I am blessed to not have children, to not have to see or talk to him, to have the actual divorce proceedings go as well as they did, etcetera. These were just some of the blessings in this storm. My thanks and praise will continue for the blessings that have come and continue to come even through all the losses.

Binging

Lately I have been going through the depression and anger phase of my grieving process. In case you're curious... it sucks! There are a lot of things that have come up for me and I just haven't wanted to deal with them. Let's be honest... I am not really good at dealing with them either. Distractions seem to be my speciality, especially this past year!

It has been hard for me to deal with memories of our past and what I want to believe were happy times together. I want to remember them as good times and recently decided I have to believe they were. When your marriage ends with lies, anger, and hurt it is hard not to question how much of the past were lies. Even the memories with those who used to be your friends hurt.

So... I have been sitting around distracting myself from these memories. Distracting myself from the past thirteen years of my life and wondering what was true and what was a lie. I have been watching too much TV. Basically I have been binging on TV on and off for the past 10 months. I have watched a ton shows.  If you need a recommendation let me know! Lately, it has been Gilmore Girls. In case you didn't catch that in my last post.

Watching TV isn't a problem, but I have stopped doing what I need to do. I am not working out like I want or should be doing. I am not keeping up on my housework, meal prep, or cooking! I am not reading like I want or accomplishing other things I want to do. When watching TV interferes with activities you know you need and want to do, it is a problem.

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On top of the TV binging, I am binging on food. Let's be honest, I have always ate more than necessary or I wouldn't be over weight. However, I have never binged like I have been lately. It is embarrassing to me. I hate to even admit it. I even put MyFitness Pal on private because I wanted to log, but I did not want others to see. It is time it stops though. Food is not a source of comfort and it does not make me feel better. It makes me feel both physically and emotionally awful.

I am not going to be able to jump back to where I was a year ago when I was working out 5-6 days a week, eating healthy, loving myself, etcetera. Unfortunately, I am going to have to start over. It sucks! It pisses me off to be honest! I worked hard, both physically and mentally, to get to a place where I felt confident, strong, and happy with myself helping me to get to my 50 pound weight loss.

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So I will start again... step by step. Because this life of sitting on the couch binging on TV and food is not the life I truly crave.

February Favorites

It is already the end of February 2016 and it has been a difficult month for me. I've fought with the idea of not blogging, but at the same time I am not ready to give it up. I don't feel as if I have put my best foot forward and been as open as I want to be. So... at this point I keep moving forward with life and blogging.

My February favorites are:

1. Word Search Puzzles - They make me feel a little old, but I enjoy them. A word search and favorite #2 is a good night!

2. Gilmore Girl - I am loving this show! I don't know how I never watched this show or Friends. I am only on season 2 right now, but I am so intrigued by what is going to come. Plus a revival? Amazing! :)

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3. Spiral Bound Journals - These are a necessity for me. I generally have one with me at all times. If you ever find me without one of these or a book (an e-reader) I have probably been robbed.  These are some of the ones I have gotten recently. I use them for my "To Do Lists," notes, and everything in between!

My friend, Angie gave me an amazing one last week. Do you ever get one of those gifts where you love it so much you don't know if you can use it? I feel like this is one of those gifts! I mean it combines my love of coloring and spiral bound journals!!  

4. Revlon Lip Gloss - I am not the lipstick or lipgloss girl. I try, but I it just doesn't happen. However, Angie took me to Ulta and I bought this lip gloss because she is that girl. She always looks amazing and has perfectly pink lips. :) So I copied her and bought Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Snow Pink. It is a light, sparkly pink. I like sparkles!

5. "Get Back Up" by Tobymac - It's hard for me to call it a favorite. It is a song I have been repeatedly listening to since my friend Lyndsey recommended it to me. For whatever reason I am having a hard time getting out of this depression/anger stage of the grieving process. It is just the reminder that I "may be knocked down again, but not out forever." I just keep taking it one step at a time. 

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What was a favorite for you this month?

January Favorites

This has been a very drab month for me personally. Going into the New Year sick, trying to get out of my funk, and more. It just has been blah for me it feels like personally. It was really hard to pick favorites for this month I think just because I have been in a negative mood. Hopefully February will be great!

1. Leggings - I have finally jumped on the wagon with leggings. For whatever reason, I just haven't worn them out in public. I have started wearing them recently, especially on some of my long days where I know I have things to do after work. They are so comfy! I need some more tunics and dresses to wear with them. 

2. Boots - I have been loving wearing my boots with leggings, skinny jeans, and dresses. These have also become a staple with my leggings on long days. Wearing a pair of leggings and flat boots for the day and I am good on those appointments/errands after work.

It doesn't hurt that I can wear them and not bring another pair of shoes with me to work. Where with the ice and snow I wear boots and then put the heels on at work.

3. Snowmen - I love them. They are all over my house and I think I finally feel like it is time to pack them up with the rest of my Christmas decorations. 

4. Ricola Cough Drops - This is my second cold in January. Growl! I had one the very first week in January and caught another one last week. The first one I had an awful sore throat and this one I have an awful cough. So I have been loving these this month. :)

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5. Elementary - I have been enjoying this TV show a lot lately. Not that I haven't in the past, but I think it has just been the mood I have been in recently. It is a good show solving crimes for the good of it. 

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What was on of your January Favorites?

Getting through a Divorce

The beginning of May 2015, Brandon left and decided he wanted a divorce. I never saw it coming and my world felt like the bottom had dropped out. I was scared and confused. One thing I was scared of was falling into a deep depression. I suffer from depression and I didn't want to get where I have been previously. So, I reached out. People want to help. Sometimes you just need to let them.

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Here is who helped me:

Family & Friends - I immediately reached out to my family and friends. A few of my friends were there to text me constantly throughout the day. I had family and friends who spent the night so I wouldn't be alone, I went to their house on the weekends, they hugged me, they prayed for me, they reminded me I didn't deserve the way I was treated, and they were just there.

There was one point when I was at my Mom's house doing the ugly cry when I told her "Mom, you did a really good job. People really like me." There were some friends I hadn't talked to in months, some years that were there offering love and advice. I will never be able to express my gratitude and thanks to all of them.

So my advice to you is reach out. Let them be there for you!

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Counselor - During one of the weekends when I was at my brother and sister-in-laws house, she asked if I would be willing to see a counselor. I was, but in previous years I hadn't had great luck. She asked if I would see a christian counselor and I was willing. She knew a couple and told me one of the names that popped in her head. When I looked him up I found his office was 4 miles down the road from me. I immediately scheduled an appointment.

I was blessed to immediately find someone I connected with this time around. I would encourage you to find someone who you connect with, but having someone to talk to has been HUGE for me! He has encouraged me to read the Bible, pray, journal, and so much more. He has been there to help get where I am today. It is nice to talk to someone who is removed from the situation. Who doesn't feel one way or the other against you or the people involved. It has been a huge blessing to have someone to talk to and help me grow in my faith.

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God - Give it to God! I don't know where I would be without all of the answers to prayers made over the past 9 months. He was there picking me up when I couldn't stand, leading me when I couldn't go any further, helping me forgive when I didn't believe I could, and so much more.

In the first months I had nightmares. They were awful. I would wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. They were awful. I began praying after I would wake up from them and within a short period I would fall back asleep. Not long after I began praying after waking up from these nightmares, I stopped having them. I would not be as healed and happy as I am now without God.

2015 Recap & 2016 Goals

As usual I am late with this post. December was a whirlwind for me. I didn't expect the holidays to be as difficult as they were for me. I think between being busier at work, trying to catch up after vacation, and the emotions of the holidays I didn't take the time to think about next year. However, I caught a cold and finally sat down to reflect and think about this next year. 

Let's get 2015 over with first. 

2015 Goals

• READ 50 BOOKS
• RUN 5K IN UNDER 40 MINUTES
• REACH GOAL WEIGHT 135
• Workout 5x week
• 2 cheat meals per week
• Freeze more meals
• Win a DietBet

Short & sweet? This year didn't happen. I am not beating myself up over it. I have been through hell this year and I am still standing. 

In the end, I did read 37 books. It was more than I thought I would read after not being able to read for weeks after Brandon left. I also ran a 5k in under 40 minutes. Other than that it just didn't happen. My weight has slowly gone up, I didn't read the 50 books, and there was a goal of working on my marriage, but that goal was obviously removed. 

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I am not sure what 2016 holds, but I am hoping for an amazing year. This year I have decided to do quarterly check-ins on my yearly and list ways to work on these goals. So here is what I have for 2016! 

2016 Goals

• READ 50 BOOKS
• 12-13 books every 3 months
• RUN 5K (run the whole thing)
• Sign up for 2-3 5k's
• Learn how to use my Garmin & then use it :)

• READ & PRAY 10 MINUTES/DAY FOR 4 DAYS/WEEK (at least 4 days/week)
• BETTER WITH FINANCES
• Use YNAB
• Do 30 Day No Spending Challenge
• REACH GOAL WEIGHT (135 lbs)
• "Give up" certain foods
• DietBet 
• Biggest Looser (work challenge)
• quarterly check-ins
• Log daily in MyFitness Pal
• Workout 4+days/week
• Cook for myself
• 75+ BLOG POSTS
• Weight loss blogs
• Divorce blogs
• Positivity blogs

So there we have it... We'll see what happens! 

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I don't know if I will do monthly goals and recap as I have in the past. I may just do every three months and keep you up to date on what I am doing. Stay tuned! 

What goals did you accomplish in 2015? What goals do you have in 2016?