Check-In: 2016 Goals

To be honest I have NOT done well with my goals so far this year, but I figured it would probably do me some good to look back over them. While I am a bit disappointed in not being where I would like to be with these goals right now; I am not going to beat myself up. 

The beginning of the year was very difficult for me, which can be seen in a previous post. I was depressed and angry. I was not living. I was coloring, watching lots of TV, and binge eating. So while I am not where I want to be with the goals I made at the beginning of the year... I am living again. I am cooking, working out, reading, cleaning my house, and so much more. 

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So with that said... here are the goals I made at the beginning of 2016. Let's take a look... 

2016 Goals

• READ 50 BOOKS
• I have currently read 18 books and I am 8 books behind schedule.  

• RUN 5K (run the whole thing)
• I walked a 5k this weekend with my family (Mom, brother, & SIL). To be honest I have not felt like running... so I haven't made it a priority. There are different reasons for that feeling, but after not working out and finally getting back in the swing of things I am just happy I am moving again. 

• READ & PRAY 10 MINUTES/DAY FOR 4 DAYS/WEEK (at least 4 days/week)
• This seems to come & go... I do well and then I don't do well. Part of it was that I wasn't feeling the Psalms so I am currently reading Matthew. I am not doing well with this yet again. :( 
• BETTER WITH FINANCES
• Again... Not as well as I want! I haven't been using YNAB or budgeting like I am supposed to and should be doing. SHAME! :( However, it is something I am thinking about. I did take FPU (Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey) at my church this spring. It was a great class and I highly recommend it. 
• REACH GOAL WEIGHT (135 lbs)
• Alright ya'll... this is something I am currently getting back into the swing of things. I have gained a lot of the weight I had originally lost back over this past year. I have been angry and depressed over this... However, after seeing a picture of myself about month ago I have gotten back on track. I will do an updated post on this if you want to stay tuned. :)
• 75+ BLOG POSTS
• Well if you keep up on the blog you know this hasn't happened. This is actually my 11th post of the year so I am only 25-ish posts behind. Gulp! 

WHERE ARE YOU AT WITH THE GOALS/RESOLUTIONS YOU MADE FOR 2016??

Mackinaw City Vacation

One of the first things my counselor had me do after I started to see him was to make a list of things I wanted to do in my future as a newly single woman.  When you are married all of your future plans include your spouse in some way. So to make plans future plans without including someone else was... different.

I don’t remember everything I had planned originally. It would be interesting to see if I could find the list I had made. The big one for me was to plan a vacation alone. I love traveling, but to travel alone made me a little anxious. My ex-husband planned all of our vacations. He traveled frequently so booking the accommodations and whatever mode of transportation we needed was something he always did.

  

My cabin with a view! 

When I originally decided to go on vacation my thought was to go somewhere I could possibly drive and be a tourist for a week. My thought was Kentucky, Tennessee, or somewhere where there was a

lot for me to do and see. However, as time passed I kept envisioning a long weekend in a cabin near a lake. When I remember pictures my friend had shared on Facebook of a vacation she took with her family to Mackinaw City. After talking with her about the campground where they rented cabin with a view, I decided this would be my first vacation. Especially after talking with others who all loved the same campground!

The view! 

So I rented a cabin for the weekend with a view of Mackinaw Bridge. It was marvelous! There was a ton of reading, some journaling, picture taking, wine, and a lot of relaxation. I watched the sun set on Friday night and I had a great workout with a view on Saturday morning. After my workout I spent some time in the book of Matthew. I did go into Mackinaw City and do some shopping. I couldn’t leave without some fudge!

Tasting my wine while doing a wine tasting word search! 

The whole trip was marvelous! There was time for reflection on the past year and even more time dreaming of what lies ahead. My only complaint would be that it was not long enough! J At the same time for my first trip alone it was the perfect length of time. I look forward to planning my next vacation!

Where are/have you gone on vacation recently?

MIA

I apologize that I have been Missing In Action (MIA) for the past couple months. As much as I do enjoy the "Favorites" posts, I couldn't think of any for April and May got away from me. To be honest, May was busy and a bit emotional for me. The beginning of May was the one year mark of when my ex walked out on me and decided to end our marriage. My Mom, oldest brother & sister-in-law, and youngest brother all moved. I had two graduations this month both a bit emotional for me in different ways. And on top of all of that, I decided to do a detox for 4 days. What was I thinking?!?!

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The one year mark was... well, weird. I don't know... It was a whole lot of emotions rolled into a day. I thought I would be healed and moving on by this point. I believe for the most part I have healed. However, I still have some things to get over. Unfortunately with divorce there is a lot of loss. You have not only lost your spouse (and that title carries multiple titles within it), but you have lost family, friends, and so much more. I also think it ending the way it did has caused some hard feelings.

On the other hand... I have realized my strength, found my independence, learned the meaning of family and friendship, have God back in my life, and so much more. I am not sure what remains for 2016, but I look forward to more amazing adventures. I also hope to be better about posting and getting back on the band wagon as far as my health. More on that soon!

What have you been up to the past few months??

March Favorites

I am not sure when March ended? I think with the snow on the ground has thrown me off. So sorry this is a little late. I am hopeful the weather is going to warm up this month. I am ready for a pedicure and some peep toes.

So without making you wait any longer here are my favorites for the month:

1. She Reads Truth App - I have been really enjoying this application. It has helped me to do daily devotions. Even though I am currently not getting into the word as much as I would like, but it helps me. I love the devotional part of it too.

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2. No Longer Slaves by Jonathan & Melissa Heiser - The past month while I have been in a slump my counselor directed me to this song.

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3. Soduku - Apparently this is my puzzle of choice this month. Plus per the December issue of Women's Health (page 36) can help with food cravings. I have been playing the games on my phone while watching Gilmore Girls! :)

4. One Pot Taco Rice & Chicken - I can't tell you how many times I have cooked this meal. I love that it requires only one pot! I love that it feeds me for a week! And it is delicious. I just portion them out, heat them up, and then add some cheese & tortilla strips. Yummy!

5. Scarves - I have been loving scarves lately. I don't know if there is much else to say. 

It doesn't hurt to add some big hoops! 

Not Lucky, Blessed

I can only speak from a person going through a divorce, but I can tell you that with my divorce one thing that drives me nuts is people telling me I am "lucky." Am I? It sure does not feel like it. My world was ripped apart and you think I am lucky? It's not luck! This is a divorce and no matter what you think, it is ugly.

One day you are going to a movie thinking he has been acting weird all weekend. The next day he tells you "I'm done." Things are just over. Your best friend, your lover, your roommate, your husband are just gone along with the plans and dreams you had for your future. You struggle to just keep going. 

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So no... I am not lucky; I am blessed. To be honest I have come to hate hearing the word "lucky." Nothing about divorce or any tragedy for that matter is lucky.

I consider myself blessed with the circumstances of my divorce. I am blessed to not have children, to not have to see or talk to him, to have the actual divorce proceedings go as well as they did, etcetera. These were just some of the blessings in this storm. My thanks and praise will continue for the blessings that have come and continue to come even through all the losses.

Binging

Lately I have been going through the depression and anger phase of my grieving process. In case you're curious... it sucks! There are a lot of things that have come up for me and I just haven't wanted to deal with them. Let's be honest... I am not really good at dealing with them either. Distractions seem to be my speciality, especially this past year!

It has been hard for me to deal with memories of our past and what I want to believe were happy times together. I want to remember them as good times and recently decided I have to believe they were. When your marriage ends with lies, anger, and hurt it is hard not to question how much of the past were lies. Even the memories with those who used to be your friends hurt.

So... I have been sitting around distracting myself from these memories. Distracting myself from the past thirteen years of my life and wondering what was true and what was a lie. I have been watching too much TV. Basically I have been binging on TV on and off for the past 10 months. I have watched a ton shows.  If you need a recommendation let me know! Lately, it has been Gilmore Girls. In case you didn't catch that in my last post.

Watching TV isn't a problem, but I have stopped doing what I need to do. I am not working out like I want or should be doing. I am not keeping up on my housework, meal prep, or cooking! I am not reading like I want or accomplishing other things I want to do. When watching TV interferes with activities you know you need and want to do, it is a problem.

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On top of the TV binging, I am binging on food. Let's be honest, I have always ate more than necessary or I wouldn't be over weight. However, I have never binged like I have been lately. It is embarrassing to me. I hate to even admit it. I even put MyFitness Pal on private because I wanted to log, but I did not want others to see. It is time it stops though. Food is not a source of comfort and it does not make me feel better. It makes me feel both physically and emotionally awful.

I am not going to be able to jump back to where I was a year ago when I was working out 5-6 days a week, eating healthy, loving myself, etcetera. Unfortunately, I am going to have to start over. It sucks! It pisses me off to be honest! I worked hard, both physically and mentally, to get to a place where I felt confident, strong, and happy with myself helping me to get to my 50 pound weight loss.

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So I will start again... step by step. Because this life of sitting on the couch binging on TV and food is not the life I truly crave.

February Favorites

It is already the end of February 2016 and it has been a difficult month for me. I've fought with the idea of not blogging, but at the same time I am not ready to give it up. I don't feel as if I have put my best foot forward and been as open as I want to be. So... at this point I keep moving forward with life and blogging.

My February favorites are:

1. Word Search Puzzles - They make me feel a little old, but I enjoy them. A word search and favorite #2 is a good night!

2. Gilmore Girl - I am loving this show! I don't know how I never watched this show or Friends. I am only on season 2 right now, but I am so intrigued by what is going to come. Plus a revival? Amazing! :)

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3. Spiral Bound Journals - These are a necessity for me. I generally have one with me at all times. If you ever find me without one of these or a book (an e-reader) I have probably been robbed.  These are some of the ones I have gotten recently. I use them for my "To Do Lists," notes, and everything in between!

My friend, Angie gave me an amazing one last week. Do you ever get one of those gifts where you love it so much you don't know if you can use it? I feel like this is one of those gifts! I mean it combines my love of coloring and spiral bound journals!!  

4. Revlon Lip Gloss - I am not the lipstick or lipgloss girl. I try, but I it just doesn't happen. However, Angie took me to Ulta and I bought this lip gloss because she is that girl. She always looks amazing and has perfectly pink lips. :) So I copied her and bought Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Snow Pink. It is a light, sparkly pink. I like sparkles!

5. "Get Back Up" by Tobymac - It's hard for me to call it a favorite. It is a song I have been repeatedly listening to since my friend Lyndsey recommended it to me. For whatever reason I am having a hard time getting out of this depression/anger stage of the grieving process. It is just the reminder that I "may be knocked down again, but not out forever." I just keep taking it one step at a time. 

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What was a favorite for you this month?